I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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