I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
