There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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