I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
