Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
