I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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