so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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