2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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