brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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