Got a toothbrush?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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