So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
