Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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