I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize