I'm jealous of your bromance
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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