just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
