You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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