party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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