Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
