i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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