I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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