Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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