Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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