Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
