I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
