Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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