I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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