i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
