I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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