It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize