thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
