I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
