I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
