i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
