She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
