i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Damn victory sex feels great
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
