Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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