Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
