I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
