I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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