I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
