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The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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