Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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