remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
