I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize