mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
