I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
