I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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