I think I died a long time ago.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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