I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
