He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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