P.S. I can't hear my feet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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