All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize