I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
