That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
