bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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