tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
