Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
