if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I skipped work to stalk him.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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