Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Welp...herpes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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