i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
