and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
