I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize