my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize