**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
