dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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