he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize