4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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