Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I smell like Dick and happiness
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
