Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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