there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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