I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
