You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
