I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
