when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
