just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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