Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
