____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
