I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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