the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
