i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
