I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
