i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize